Even if your voice shakes

This post is a compromise.

Someone I went to high school with posted this video today on facebook. It’s one of the best videos I’ve seen on the subject (and believe me, I’ve seen quite a few). Please, watch it. I know it’s a bit on the long side, but it’s worth it. Please.

 

 

 

Were you crying by the end? No, maybe not. But I was. This…this video grabs at the rawest, deepest part of me and shakes it. It’s hard for me to talk about.

This video rocked me so thoroughly that my first inclination was to post it on Facebook with a brief but personal message. Then I started remembering all of the people I haven’t come out to yet. People I care deeply about, like my godmother. Not for any other reason then I haven’t before and maybe I’m a bit of a coward when it comes to things like this and most times I don’t even think of it and I’d tell her tomorrow except she’s having brain surgery next week and maybe this isn’t the time to have things be all about me. And that’s just one person and she’s not on my newsfeed, but is it fair to put that up on my newsfeed when I haven’t told her yet? And who else is on my newsfeed that I would need to worry about; do I need to check all however-many-hundred first?

 

…

 

Now is about the time that all of you are glad you don’t live in my brain, isn’t it?

 

And just when I’m starting to really teeter on the edge between utter panic and stubbornly wanting to share this with the world, I remembered my blog. I know only about three people still check in regularly, but that’s three people more than none. And it’s also, in a way, a promise to myself to move into openness at my own pace. A reminder, perhaps, to have courage, not just in the small things, but the big things too.

I’ll get there one day; you wait and see.

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